


Jeremy's Silence

by PlayerOneMell



Category: Be More Chill
Genre: Angst, Crying, Cuddles, Fluff, Jeremy cries a lot, Kinda self harm, M/M, Post: SQUIP, Self Harm, Tears, boyf riends - Freeform, nose kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 11:12:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14400960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlayerOneMell/pseuds/PlayerOneMell
Summary: Jeremy gets quiet after the SQUIP incident and hides his arms more than normal. He's hiding something he didn't do. Michael fears what's on the underside of the cardigan, and wonders what kind of things Jeremy's hiding under that cardigan.





	Jeremy's Silence

Jeremy Heere returns to his normal self around school after the SQUIP. He gets to keep all of his friends, but his social anxiety has come back to haunt him. Luckily enough, his boyfriend is there. Through every aching pain and anxiety attack. Michael Mell is always there. 

“Hey Jeremy! My buddy!” Michael says jumping next to Jeremy at his locker. 

There’s something almost odd about Jeremy’s silence. It’s been odd for the past few months. It’s like he wants to say something but simply refuses to let himself speak. 

Jeremy is wiping his tears off of his face. He sighs and looks at Michael and smiles. Michael isn’t fooled by Jeremy’s charade. He looks at Jeremy with concern instead of the joy he just expressed. 

“Michael I didn’t mean for you to see me like this.” Jeremy says staring at the ground. “I didn’t mean…”  
“Jeremy it’s okay.” Michael pulls the boy into the normally empty music room. 

When Jeremy loses himself at school, this is always where him and Michael meet. Michael holds Jeremy in his arms tightly. Jeremy still silently cries not wanting Michael to know what he’s done. 

“Better?” Michael asks wiping away Jeremy’s last tear.   
“Y-yeah.” Jeremy says looking at Michael. 

Michael gives Jeremy a kiss on the nose. Jeremy starts to smile, and flush infects his porcelain complexion. 

“Now, this is the happy boy I know.” Michael smiles. “Wanna go to lunch?”  
“Sure.” Jeremy says putting his fingers in between Michael’s. 

The boys head to lunch and Jeremy goes back to being his normal self. Jeremy sits hunched over his lunch tray and sighs. Michael eats his lunch happily next to him. He knows Jeremy is feeling off but doesn’t push Jeremy. Michael has pushed Jeremy once before and it wasn’t a pretty picture. 

“Mikey?”   
“Yes, Jer?” Michael asks throwing his lunch away.   
“Can you stay over this weekend? I know I said…that I was busy and all but-“  
“Yes Jeremy, of course. Anything you need.” Michael sighs.   
“I do have a party on Friday night…Jenna’s house.”   
“I can pick you up.” Michael says, throwing his arm around Jeremy’s shoulder.   
“Sounds good.” Jeremy says, rubbing his face to make sure his tears are really gone. 

Michael nods and makes sure Jeremy is okay all through Thursday and Friday. Jeremy still has moments on his own in private. He’s tugging on the sleeve of his cardigan more often now. But Michael can’t know…he just can’t. Especially because it’s not exactly he who’s doing it. 

————————-

“CRANK THE BASS!” Jake shouts passing a speaker and turning volume all the way up. 

Jeremy winces a little bit at the sound. It’s after three morning, and Michael’s on his way. Jeremy feels a twinge in his arm and then liquid drip down it. He notices that blood is running. He gets a text from Michael. 

“Little Jeremy leaving so soon?” Chloe asks, obviously drunk.   
“I have to.” Jeremy says, quietly shrugging Chloe off. 

Jeremy thanks Jenna for a lovely night, which wasn’t that lovely considering Brooke threw up so many times, and walks out the door. He races to the car feeling more patches on his arm rip open. This always happens at the worst time, doesn’t it?

“Michael, I need you to get us home, quick as possible.” Jeremy says with urgency and panic.   
“Jer-”  
“Michael, drive, just drive.” Jeremy says, knowing that he has to change his clothes. 

There’s no point in closing the cuts, they do that on their own. Michael doesn’t even notice the blood on Jeremy’s cardigan. Jeremy notices and starts tugging at the sleeves so they don’t burn the opened skin.

“Is something wrong? What happened on the party?” Michael questions, looking at how fair Jeremy’s skin is looking. Paler than normal.   
“Michael, please, just drive.” 

Michael listens and soon as they reach the house Jeremy jumps out of the car before it even stops. Jeremy runs into the house as quickly as he can. He rushes to the bathroom and tears off the cardigan in pain. The blood is running down his arms like something you’d see in a horror movie. 

“Jeremy?” Michael says seeing the horrific sight.   
“Michael I didn’t do this, you have to believe me.” Jeremy’s sobbing.   
“Let me clean you up.” Michael grabs a cloth. 

Michael wipes the wet cloth over Jeremy’s cuts and notices the pattern of them all. Then it hits Michael. Jeremy was crying that day before lunch…Wednesday! Was Jeremy hurting then? Is this a SQUIP side effect?

“Michael, I-”  
“Please, just let me.”

Jeremy nods letting Michael finish the job. The cuts close on their own and the bleeding stops. Jeremy sits down from the blood loss. Michael scoops him up before he can fall. Michael holds Jeremy in his arms. 

“How long has this been happening?” Michael asks sweetly carrying Jeremy into the basement.   
“Um…I don’t really know. Just awhile.”   
“This the SQUIP?” Michael asks as Jeremy nods. “All right, will you at least tell me when this happens from now on? I just want to help you.”  
“I know.” 

Jeremy sighs as Michael places him down on a bean bag. Jeremy tugs on Michael making Michael lay down next to him. Michael remembers all the tugging on Jeremy's cardigan sleeve. He brings Jeremy tightly into his embrace. 

“Why didn't you tell me?” Michael whispers sweetly into Jeremy's ear.  
“I didn't want you to think that I did this to myself. I didn't want you to know how much pain I've been in.”  
“Oh Jer.” Michael says quietly letting his own tears fall with Jeremy. “Pain is heavier when it's only weighing down one heart. Let me help you. I can't stand your silence.”   
“I didn't think you could love me with scars.” Jeremy whispers.   
“I will love you no matter what you have or what you are or what you will be. Those circuit marks don't remind me of good things but they are a part of you. So I will love them. Every part of you. You don't have to worry about me. You don't. I promise. I will give you everything I am. Let me in Jeremy. I will love you. I will always love you.”

Michael pours his heart out to Jeremy. Jeremy can see fear in Michael's chocolate eyes and suddenly regrets every day he's been silent. Jeremy wishes Michael was there from the first circuit. How painful it was when they originally show up. They go down his arms and back. He doesn't mean it. He doesn't want this. 

“I'm sorry.”  
“It's okay, we are going to figure this out Miah.” Michael sighs.

Jeremy had learned his lesson that night. Never keep things from Michael. Around Michael, Jeremy is never silent again.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys really enjoyed! I love it. I hope you guys did too!!! <3
> 
> Other news:  
> I promise the next chapter of "A Prince's Heart" will be up soon! I've been working really hard on it. 
> 
> I'm sorry it's been forever since I posted. I'm just trying to edit and post as much as I can for you guys.


End file.
